Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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