Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
