I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
