I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
