she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
