I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
