idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
