Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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