Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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