just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
