Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
