wanna go halves on a baby?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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