If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
