Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
