we're blogging at a bar
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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