this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
