I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She bit a glass in half.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
