everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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