I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
