So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
