I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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