got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
