Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
