You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
