Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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