Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
