How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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