In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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