Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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