Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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