im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
