our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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