I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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