My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
