Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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