Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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