I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
