shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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