I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
