Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
