You made me cry and you don't even care
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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