I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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