I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
