i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
