last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Acid is not a monday night drug
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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