I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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