I am spending my child support on dildos
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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