I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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