His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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