I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
