You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
