thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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