apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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