Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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